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Self Exploration: Who am I?

Updated: Oct 6, 2022

If I could wave a magic wand and grant one wish, it would be that people know how wonderful

they are. Knowing and accepting ourselves is the first step to world peace.

The covid lockdown gave the world a chance to slow down and look at what is important. Even

as the world opens back up we see that people are looking to see what actually supports their

lives; the world is not the same and neither are we.

Living extended periods of time with people we say we love, those we just happened to be living

with at the time and ourselves may have brought a clarity to what worked and didn’t work in our

lives. The amazing thing is, we didn’t experience this alone, the whole world experienced this at

the same time.

Remote working, which we had speculated about, became reality and most likely will be the

norm going forward. We got to see our reactions, our level of fear, tolerance, and hopefully

discovered what was most important to us. But did we take time to truly look at ourselves? Do

we love ourselves, our bodies, how we view the world or others, whether we liked being around

people or created spaces to be alone. Did we stop to consider what our life was about and who

we are if we stripped away “have to” and “should,” all the ways society tells us is proper and

expected. Did we stop to explore, discover, and love ourselves?

Self-exploration is a way to discover and accept ourselves. It could start as easily as noticing

what draws our attention, where time is spent, or how we feel being around different people.

Asking, “Who am I at my core?”

If you are like me the answer might be, “Huh? What do you mean, I’m just me.” But what if that

isn’t accurate? What if most of who we think we are is a reflection of what we were raised to be,

expected to be, afraid not to be? We are not the way we think, feel, or look like. These influence

us but who we are is much more fundamental. How do we access our essence, passion, and

unique spirit.

Profound connection with our body is the key. Our body not only houses our spirit but provides

us crucial information. How do we put aside society’s message that our bodies are not ok and

need to be fixed? What if we could love our bodies just the way they are and just the way they

are not? What if we gave up the notion that one body is better than another? Stop and ponder

that! All the time, money, and mental anguish we spend on fixing, lamenting, and/or hating how

our bodies are.

Knowing our bodies will take us there, beyond the messages we receive to who we are. Betty

Dodson, the “mother of masturbation,” advocates learning to know body through self-pleasure.

Not only to get to know the geography of the body, but what turns it on and how we can be in

control of our own pleasure anywhere, anytime, and with anyone.

It allows us to answer the question from a lover, “What turns you on?” It all allows us to have

pleasure without needing to have another’s help. When done in the presence of a lover, it tears

down barriers and allows for the expansion of what sex can look like.

Growing up, I didn’t masturbate much because the message I got was, “Masturbation is wrong.”

I bought into the fairytales that I needed to find someone who would fulfill me, that I was not

enough. Subtle messages about the dangers of knowing my body. Today, I’m exploring self-

pleasure as connection to loving and accepting myself.

Another way is by practicing “the five rhythms.” This is a freeform individual dance with a group

that takes you through the five basic emotions which Gabrielle Roth relates to life and sex. It is a

dance of connection with your body and essence. A way to experience where you are most at

home in your body and where you are conflicted or stuck. It’s a way of learning the language of

the body and what it is telling us all the time. Things we may not hear because of suppression

and resignation. It’s a dance to get energy flowing.

I recommend taking on regular masturbation and ecstatic dance as ways to get profoundly

connected to our bodies. This will lead to connection with our inner most essence and provide a

solid foundation grounded in who we actually are, not who we were persuaded to be. Imagine a

world where people loved who they were and shared that with those around them. World peace.

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