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Better Sex Life

If your sex life isn't all you want it to be, I’m assert that it’s not the sex! Sex is a symptom of something else going on. So, let’s look.

You may be in one of three places:

1) Your sex life is good, but you suspect it c

ould be awesome!!!

2) You are in a relationship where the sex i

s less than satisfying OR maybe you’re questioning what happened because it used to be fabulous.

3) You’re not having sex but would like to.

Today we will be looking at one and two where there is already a sexual relationship which needs to be revived or taken to the next level.

First be real with yourself, look at what you want, what’s missing, and what’s in the way. Don’t just jump to an answer or rely on what you have said over and over again. Sit with it, mull it over, look underneath the first answer to what’s underneath that answer, and then underneath that until you find what resonates. Be gentle with yourself and compassionate. This is deep work that will open up not only insights around sex, but how you operate in the world. How we do one thing in our life is how we do everything.

What did you uncover? For me it was resignation in my relationship but even more impactful was the realization that I had cut off connection to myself. By that I mean the self that felt emotion and body sensations. I had closed my connection to

wants, needs, and longing for so much of my life that I was disconnected from pleasure. I didn’t allow myself to “want” anything because I knew I’d be disappointed. Better not to “want” or even ask. When people would ask how I was, the answer would include weather, traffic, but never how I actually felt.

Once you discover what has been running your life, look at how it might have been holding you back from what is truly important to you. Has it affected how you interact with your partner? Has it determined how much pleasure you are “allowed” to have? Or what you are “able” to communicate to your partner?

Then share with your partner. Start a conversation outside the bedroom and be vulnerable. Encourage your partner to share what is true for them and “hear” them without judgement. Talk about what works and doesn’t

work for you both. Co-create together. Play, explore, laugh, cry, discover each other’s bodies head to toe, discover touch, slow things down. Sex isn’t just intercourse. It goes from flirting to aftercare. Shake it up. Take turns pleasing each other with NO destination. Express to your partner what feels good and how it might feel better. Let go of concern about what you look or sound like. Sex is funny, laugh! Have fun.

Developing trust and safety with each other is fundamental to creating an awesome relationship. Allow your partner the space to choose freely to try something at the edge of their comfort zone or not.

My lover once requested me to talk “dirty.” I replied, “I don’t really do that.” I was surprised that the response was “that okay, you don’t have to.” Just that statement gave me the ability to try. I did, it was awkward for me, but I expanded my ability to try something new. Because I was given the space to choose for myself without pressure.

Choice, what an amazing gift one partner can give another. Go out and play, sex doesn’t have to be that serious!!!

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